Numb
by NiceAsPie
Summary: HPDM slash, angsty, what else? Harry hates how nothing has changed...he needs to feel something...anything... Can Malfoy really help?
1. Chapter 1

Numb

CHAPTER ONE

Disclaimer: Neither the characters or locations are mine; they belong to J. K. Rowling and various affiliated companies. No plagiarism or copyright infringement is intended. All characters will be returned safe and sound with smiles on their faces and food in their bellies. :D

A/N: So I started another fic…so I'm not studying…so what? This is to ease my rage at the OAC who are screwing me around to no end! Grr… Enjoy.

Harry sighed softly as he sat in the stands surrounding the Quidditch pitch in the first snowfall of the season, ignoring the icy cold that tore through his inadequate clothing with its fingers. He remembered the frivolity of youth; even at the Dursley's he'd loved to catch snowflakes on his tongue. He tried it now but they just tasted bitter. He had too much responsibility, too much blood on his hands to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. He was the Golden Boy, Saviour of the Wizarding World. It was all too much for him, although he'd never tell anyone that. He was sick of the sugary sweet lies that spilled from everyone's mouths. He just wanted them to tell the truth for once; was it really that hard? Why hadn't anything changed with Voldemort's death? He lay back, shivering, and wondered idly how long it would take him to freeze to death. His reverie was broken by the one voice he never wanted to hear.

'Hey look, it's a Pot-sicle.' Malfoy jeered.

Harry tried to stay very very still. Maybe if he didn't move they'd leave him alone. Despite the fact that most Slytherin's were grateful to Harry for what he had done (although admittedly it was begrudging), Draco would never forgive Harry for saving him. He knew he should've died…would've, were it not for the Great Harry Potter.

'Uh…do you think he's dead?' Harry heard someone ask.

'You numbskull! He's shivering. Corpses don't shiver.' He heard Malfoy respond.

_No, they don't shiver…but they accuse. With their staring eyes they accuse me of not saving them. Constantly._ Something struck him in the head and he opened one eye, peering at those surrounding him before closing it again. _Great_, he thought, _it's the whole Slytherin Quidditch team. Which means they are wanting to practice. Which means I have to leave._ Harry groaned and sat up, rubbing his numb face with his icy hands. He stood up but was immediately pushed back down again, stormy eyes glaring into him. _Fan-fucking-tastic, could this day get any worse?_ Harry thought, staring defiantly at Draco, waiting for something to happen. And suddenly it did, as Ginny's voice rang in the air.

'Perfect.' Harry hissed.

Draco raised an eyebrow.

'Trouble with the Weaselette, hey Potter?'

Harry sneered, thinking _you don't know the half of it_. He stood up and pushed past Draco, missing the flash in his eyes at the sudden contact. As Malfoy stumbled he knew he would pay for that later, but strangely he didn't care. He had more pressing matters at hand. Ginny, for instance. What to do with her? He sighed as the red-headed girl flung herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist, claiming him as her property.

'Hey you.' she whispered.

'Hey.' Harry mumbled, kissing the tip of her nose as he knew he was expected to.

He allowed himself to be led inside, Ginny gently admonishing him in a mothering fashion. He looked down at the top of her head and wondered if he'd ever loved her. He wanted to be back in the snow, alone, not entangled with Ginny, who wanted more than he could give. As Ginny's mouth and hips pressed against his –_ How did we get from telling me off to this?_ – he flinched slightly and pulled away, running a hand through his hair.

'Uh, look Gin…I'm really tired tonight.' He said softly.

Ginny didn't bother hiding her disappointment, but kissed him gently and left him standing in the centre of the common room. He waited a moment before going up to bed and crawling fully clothed beneath the covers. He drifted into a fitful sleep, plagued with nightmares.

--

Walking into the Great Hall with Ginny attached to his hip like some sort of growth made Harry feel vaguely nauseous. He had to get rid of her, but how could he? This was Ginny Weasley, who had adored him since she'd first laid eyes on him, adored the _idea_ of him before that even. She was his best friend's little sister. She'd just lost one of her brothers in the war. _Everyone suffered_, his subconscious hissed, _especially you._ He shook his head. As he went to sit down she tried to kiss him but he turned away from it.

'Don't.' he muttered, sitting.

Ginny stared at him, tears in her eyes, and then fled the Great Hall. From the look on Hermione's face he knew he was expected to chase after her, pleading with her to return. So he did, hoping it didn't sound as fake as it felt. He took a few steps before plaintively calling out to her.

'Ginny…please…come back.'

Harry continued out of the Great Hall, finding Ginny leaning against a wall, sobbing. He felt awkward, largely due to the lies he knew he was about to tell.

'Ginny…I'm sorry. Please. I've just been so stressed lately…you wouldn't understand.'

Ginny turned into him.

'Make me understand.' She whispered, covering his mouth with her own.

_Why is she so needy?_ Harry pushed her away roughly as her hand fumbled with his belt.

'I don't want you.' He growled.

Ginny spluttered at him then stalked off, holding her head high. She was strong and proud. She'd get over it. And Harry knew one of his problems had been dealt with, without jeopardizing his relationship with the Weasley family. He hoped. He turned and saw Draco staring at him, something in his eyes Harry couldn't name.

'Gryffindorks don't make girls cry.' Draco sneered, stepping toward him.

'Sod off Malfoy.' Harry replied, pushing against him yet again.

_That was twice now_, Draco thought. _He will pay_.

--

Harry stared numbly at his cauldron, aware that any minute now it was going to explode and bring the wrath of the potions master down on him. He rolled his eyes as it happened and Snape's greasy face appeared mere inches from his own.

'You, Potter, are a menace,' Snape snarled. 'You are exceedingly lucky that I do not fail you and kick you out of my class. 20 points from Gryffindor and you will write a 5-foot essay on the potion you just exploded and _why_ it exploded. Due in tomorrow's lesson.'

Harry moaned and dropped his head to the desk, hitting perhaps a little too hard.

'Harry…are you ok?' Hermione whispered.

'Fine.' Harry grumbled in response.

_Why aren't things different?_

--

Finally it was the last lesson of the day, a fact for which Harry was extremely grateful. It helped that the lesson was Care of Magical Creatures, one of the few he was passing. What didn't help was that he was now paired up with Malfoy, walking the edge of the Black Lake; looking for…Merlin knew what. Harry had forgotten but suspected that there was nothing to be found, like most of the time Hagrid sent them on these "excursions". Harry slammed into Draco who was suddenly standing still.

'That's the third time Potter.' Draco hissed.

Harry blinked slowly, owlishly, as Draco swiveled, his wand pointing at Harry's throat, but made no move to go for his own.

'What are you talking about Malfoy?' he asked quietly.

'One: in the Quidditch stands. Two: after your spat with the Weaselette. Three: moments ago.'

Harry frowned before putting it all together. He'd pushed him. Twice though, not three times.

'It was only twice. It's not my fault you stopped suddenly.'

'Do you want me to hurt you, Potter?' Malfoy snarled.

The tension between the boys grew as neither said anything, green eyes locked onto grey. Draco slowly realized that Harry did in fact want him to hurt him. He sneered as Potter collapsed to his knees on the snow-covered ground, aware of Draco's realization.

'I want to feel something…anything…' Harry whispered so softly that Draco barely heard him.

'Happy to oblige.' Draco said, his teeth glinting in the light as he grinned evilly.

Harry cried out in pain and Draco walked away. He felt satisfied, but there was also another unfamiliar feeling. Whatever it was, he didn't like it.

--

Harry sat alone in the Gryffindor common room, staring blankly into the fire. The attack from Malfoy had hurt…Merlin how it had hurt. But that was the point. Harry was amazed and glad that he had felt it…it meant he _could_ still feel things. He sighed, throwing some powder onto the fire and, as it turned green, called to Remus. The werewolf's head appeared in the fireplace, blinking wearily.

'H'lo Harry…how are you feeling?' he asked.

'I'm…fine…' Harry muttered, avoiding his gaze.

'Did you need anything in particular?'

'Oh. I disturbed you. Sorry.'

'Nonsense m'boy. Come, tell me what's on your mind.'

'I…I think I'm going to fail potions. And if I fail that…'

'You won't become an Auror. And you're afraid of disappointing your parents and Sirius, because that is what they would've wanted.' Remus' voice cracked as he mentioned Sirius' name.

'It's what everyone wants!' Harry cried, his eyes blazing.

'Except, apparently, you.'

Harry hissed softly through his teeth.

'I think, perhaps, you need to find a tutor Harry.'

'I asked Hermione already. She's too busy with all of her extra classes _and_ trying to keep Ron from going under.'

'She's not quite who I had in mind. You need the best help you can get. Ask the best student. Now, er, I have to go. Think things over Harry.'

And with that Remus disappeared and the fire returned to normal. Harry scowled at the suggestion; he'd rather fail potions. But some part of Harry knew that he _would_ ask Malfoy for help, because if he didn't he would fail and disappoint everyone. And he didn't think he could handle that.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

Disclaimer: Neither the characters or locations are mine; they belong to J. K. Rowling and various affiliated companies. No plagiarism or copyright infringement is intended. All characters will be returned safe and sound with smiles on their faces and food in their bellies. :D

A/N: Ta-da! I figured since after only 1 day I had 33 visitors to this story (and yet only one review…but I won't complain) I would post the next chapter instead of finishing my "DNA Testing on Rhinoceros Horn Products" essay. Be grateful.

His chance came within the week when he found himself paired with Malfoy once again, searching for an obscure creature that most likely had never heard of Hogwarts, much less set foot on the grounds. Harry had been chewing ferociously on his bottom lip the entire time, his nerves getting the better of him. He didn't know how to ask Malfoy for anything…their exchanges were usually limited to curses, hexes, jinxes and even childish name-calling. He sighed.

'Erm, Malfoy?'

'What is it Potter?' Draco sneered, whirling to face Harry.

Later he would deny to himself that he was distracted by Harry's swollen lip and the sneer almost dropped.

'Can I…ask you a favor?' Harry had noticed the falter in his sneer.

Draco's face split into an evil grin as his hand hovered near where Harry knew his wand was, fingers twitching eagerly.

'If you would like me to hurt you again you don't have to ask.'

'Um…no.' Harry muttered, considering it. 'I was…well, you are the best at potions, right? Right, of course you are. And I'm…well…not so good.'

At this Draco snorted, though he felt slightly uncomfortable at what he thought Harry was going to say next. Harry decided to just get it over with.

'Anyway… I was wondering if maybe you'd tutor me.'

Draco looked incredulously at Harry. _Clearly he has lost his mind_, he thought.

'No. Absolutely not.'

Harry's facial expression didn't change but Draco saw panic flicker in his eyes.

'If you don't help me I'll fail.'

There was no pleading, simply that all too true statement. Draco looked witheringly at Harry.

'What makes you think I would care? Get that mudblood friend of yours to help.'

'Don't call her that. She can't anyway.'

'Aw, too busy to help Potter? After all you've done for them?'

Harry felt ill for Draco was saying exactly what he had been thinking; by the small self-satisfied smirk on Draco's face he knew it, too.

'Fine,' he hissed. 'I knew you wouldn't help. It was a stupid idea anyway. Let's just go back to Hagrid and tell him we couldn't find whatever the fuck it is we're looking for.'

Harry stormed off, robes billowing around him. He could feel the disappointment already, hear it ringing in his ears. He wanted to throw himself into the lake.

--

Days later Draco sat in potions staring (along with the rest of the class) at the back of Harry's head as the boy stared in dismay at the greenish ooze quickly spreading over the table. Draco knew for a fact that the potion was supposed to be purple, and it most definitely was _not_ supposed to be oozing everywhere. Draco sneered but again he had that strange feeling. _What is that? _he thought. Harry looked up miserably as Snape screeched at him and found himself hating Hermione just a little bit. If only she'd help him. He felt her touch his hand beneath the table and pulled away.

'I'm sorry Professor.' He mumbled.

'I'm giving you one last chance Potter, though Merlin knows you've had more than enough. One more mishap and you're out of here.'

'You can't!' Harry cried, louder than he'd intended.

'Oh, but I can. Now clean up this mess. And I want a 6-foot essay on what went wrong this time. Due tomorrow.'

Tears sprang into Harry's eyes as he struggled to clean the mess. Draco sighed heavily, completing his own potion. As the class left Harry felt an icy hand in his but when he looked around he saw no one, there was only the parchment that had been left in his hand.

'Harry?' Hermione asked.

'Leave me alone.' Harry whispered, stalking away.

He went out to the Quidditch stands, again ignoring the snowfall, ignoring the fact that he had another class to be in. _Ah, blessed solitude_. Only then did he read the note, eyes widening in surprise.

_Fine. You really are pathetic. Meet me in the astronomy tower tonight. Don't play dumb…I know you can get there._

--

Harry had managed to avoid his friends for the remainder of the day, largely due to the fact that he had fallen asleep in the snow. But now, shivering immensely, he crept to the common room, hoping to get in, change, and get out again without being noticed. Unfortunately both Hermione and Ron were waiting for him, as he should've known they would be.

'What the hell is your problem Harry?' Hermione asked.

'I…'

'Don't answer. I don't even want to know.'

She turned and stalked up to her room. Harry squirmed under Ron's gaze.

'I don't get it Harry. You end things with Ginny. You ignore me and M'ione. Why are you cutting us all out of your life?'

'I…I'm under a lot of pressure Ron. And right now I need to change and then go to the library and write this paper for Snape. And maybe study so I don't get kicked out of the class. And maybe, in between all that, I'll sleep. Or not.'

Harry stalked past Ron. He didn't feel too bad for saying that to him, maybe now they would try to understand. _Or maybe not…_ he thought as, after changing, he found himself glared at as he left. Harry sighed heavily, throwing the invisibility cloak over himself and heading to the Astronomy Tower.

--

Draco looked up, sure that someone had entered but not seeing them.

'Take that stupid cloak off Potter.' He snarled.

Harry appeared in the doorway, nervously chewing his bottom lip. He thought, perhaps, this was a joke, and looked around, waiting to be jumped by other Slytherin's.

'No one's here.' Draco said.

Harry stared, amazed that he was so readable. Draco scoffed.

'Do you want my help or not?'

Harry thought for a moment. It was a more difficult question than Draco realized.

'It's more…I _need_ your help.' Harry whispered.

'Well sit down then.'

Harry sat quickly on the opposite side of the room to Draco, who sneered at him.

'I don't know why I bothered. You're pathetic Potter, you really are.' He said, moving to leave.

'No, wait Malfoy. I'll…I'll do what you want. I can't fail. I just…can't.'

Draco sat back down and Harry scrambled to sit opposite him on the same table. Draco noticed Harry's shivering and without thinking whispered a heating spell. Harry raised his eyebrows but said nothing. As Draco spoke to him about the potion from today Harry felt his eyes growing heavier.

'Potter! Are you falling asleep?'

'Uh…no…' Harry responded, shaking his head.

'Maybe we should stop.'

'No! He'll kick me out! I have to finish this paper and research tomorrow's potion.'

'It's 3am Potter.'

Harry moaned softly. Where had the time gone? He could feel his life slipping out from under him. Draco felt that twinge again and sighed.

'Alright. I'll help you finish the paper. But then I'm going to bed. But first…'

Harry looked at Draco as he struggled to find the right words. He wasn't used to talking to Harry in this manner, or at all, really.

'What is the feeling where your stomach is all twisted and you feel like you've done something wrong, even if you haven't?'

Harry raised his eyebrows. _What the hell?_

'That…that's guilt, Malfoy.'

'Guilt.' Draco repeated softly.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

Disclaimer: Neither the characters or locations are mine; they belong to J. K. Rowling and various affiliated companies. No plagiarism or copyright infringement is intended. All characters will be returned safe and sound with smiles on their faces and food in their bellies. :D

A/N: Again evading assignments…naughty me. Enjoy! There is still no _actual_ slash in this chapter, if you want to be picky about it, but I think there might be some in the next…

Harry awoke slowly to confusion; he didn't remember where he was. As he yawned it all came rushing back in.

'Shit.' He whispered, grabbing his paper.

It was…finished. He was sure he hadn't finished it. There was no time to worry about that now, he decided, as he gathered his things and raced to the Great Hall, practically throwing himself into a seat next to a still rather irritated Hermione. He glanced at the Slytherin table and Draco winked at him. Winked! Harry gulped, wondering just what this tutoring was going to cost him.

--

Draco left the Great Hall soon after Harry had arrived, heading for Snape's office. He knew this was going to seem strange but he felt he had to do it. Something in Potter's manner… His godfather looked up at him as he entered the room.

'Draco?'

'Good morning. I was wondering if you could do me a favor.'

'Perhaps.'

Draco watched his godfather's eyes narrow; their relationship was strained, at best, a fact he regretted somewhat, but now was not the time to think of that.

'I want to work with Potter in potions.'

'Why?' Snape asked, frowning.

'Perhaps I don't want to explode.'

_I'm tired of feeling guilty,_ he thought. Snape sighed and shook his head. He knew Harry's actions were grand, but he couldn't bring himself to like the boy.

'You want your grade resting on that…moron?'

'I think he's frightened enough of me that he'll do anything I say. Which means no more explosions or strange liquids running everywhere.'

'Hmm…' Snape said, liking the sound of that. 'Very well. But make sure he does things right.'

Draco grinned at his godfather and for a moment Snape was reminded of the boy he had been before the mask was back up and Draco left. Snape had an uneasy feeling about Draco's true motives for this…but who was he to deny his godson something as harmless as this?

--

Upon walking into the classroom Harry stared blankly at Snape, not understanding what he was saying.

'Potter, I would like to believe there is a brain cell in that head of yours. Now, one last time, from now on you are going to be working with Draco. Move!'

Hurry opened his mouth but wisely chose not to respond. He sat in the empty chair next to Draco, ignoring the strained sneers from other Slytherin's (who weren't sure how they were supposed to act around him anymore) and the sympathetic glances from the Gryffindor's. As the class began Harry looked at Draco, eyes wide. Draco, just for a moment, thanked the healer that had fixed Harry's eyes so he no longer had to wear those glasses, then remembered himself and smirked.

'What is going on Malfoy?' Harry hissed.

'Well Potter,' Draco sneered. 'I believe we are supposed to be making a potion. Now go get the ingredients.'

Harry meekly got up and headed to the small room containing the ingredients, parchment in hand, trying not to think of the cupboard that had once been his home. When he worked with Hermione or Ron they _never_ made him go in here…dark, small spaces terrified him. _Malfoy doesn't know that so you can't blame him_, his subconscious whispered.

'What is going on Harry?' Hermione hissed from behind him, making him jump.

'I don't know. But I have to get these ingredients so I can get out quickly.'

'But you're suddenly working with Malfoy!' she cried, helping him so he wouldn't suffer.

This just made Harry mad for some reason. _I don't need her pity_.

'I'm not stupid M'ione.' He sneered.

He left the room, arms full of ingredients, and flopped next to Draco, sighing heavily. He was out in the open, in the light. He was fine. Draco began to prepare the ingredients.

'Light the fire Potter.'

Harry stared.

'Surely you can't possibly damage anything lighting a fire?' Draco sneered.

Harry blinked. He knew he should respond, but there was something in Draco's eyes…

'Oh for Merlin's sake!'

Draco reached across Harry and lit the fire. Harry flinched backward as Draco came close to touching him and would have fallen off the stool had Draco not grabbed his robes and steadied him.

'Merlin Potter.' Malfoy snarled.

'Sorry…I just…did you finish my paper for me?' Harry whispered,

Draco leaned across Harry, pretending to reach for an ingredient.

'Yes. Now shut up and pay attention.'

Harry shivered as Draco's breath tickled his ear, then felt horrified. Surely he hadn't just enjoyed that! _No, _he thought, _of course not. It's just cold in here, that's all._

'Cut this into small pieces.' Draco said, placing a root and a small knife before him.

Harry nodded, returning to his thoughts as he picked up the knife. His subconscious screamed at him that it wasn't cold, not really, and he tried valiantly to ignore it. _It is cold, dammit!_ He cried at his subconscious. He was dimly aware of a dull ache in his hand and someone calling "Potter!" He wrenched himself from his thoughts and looked at Malfoy, whose pale face seemed even paler, if that was possible.

'What?' he snapped.

'Draco, you'd better take your partner to the hospital wing. Really Potter, you're lucky it wasn't an explosion.' Snape snarled.

Harry looked down at the dull ache in his hand and was stunned to find it stained with blood. He turned his eyes to Draco again who pushed him out of the room.

'Potter! What in the hell did you do that for?' Draco cried angrily.

Harry thought he heard a current of something else, maybe concern, but dismissed it as stupid.

'I'm missing my lesson for you, Potter. Don't you think you could explain what is going on?'

'I…uh…I didn't feel it. What happened?'

'How did you not feel that? You started hacking into your hand with a knife! Severus is right, you are a menace. Maybe you _should_ just drop the class.'

Harry looked at Draco, panicked.

'No. No. I can't, see. If I don't…I won't…and I have to…'

'Are you going to finish a fucking sentence?'

Harry glared at Draco, saying nothing. Draco sighed, almost regretfully.

'Go to the wing on your own. I'm sure you know where it is.' Draco sneered, swooping away.

_God damn you Potter! Why make me worry, so?_ He thought. Harry was relieved and yet strangely disappointed that Malfoy was acting more like himself again and continued on to the hospital wing.

'Again Mr. Potter?' she asked.

Harry grinned sheepishly, holding out his hand. She handed him a potion, which he drank happily though grimacing at the taste. The cuts on his hand closed up and, after washing away the blood, he returned to the classroom to find everyone packing up and a very pissed off Draco Malfoy glaring at him.

'You ruined the potion Potter, so now we have to come back tonight and start over again. Can't you do anything right?'

'What's wrong Malfoy? Not going to get laid tonight because of me?'

Draco snarled and whipped his wand out, pointing it at Harry's chest.

'Oh put it away Malfoy.' Harry groaned, gathering his stuff and leaving the room.

_What was that flash in Draco's eyes when I said that? And why do I even care?_


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

Disclaimer: Neither the characters or locations are mine; they belong to J. K. Rowling and various affiliated companies. No plagiarism or copyright infringement is intended. All characters will be returned safe and sound with smiles on their faces and food in their bellies. :D

A/N: Sorry for the delay; life happens though.

Harry returned to the Potions class after dinner alone, much to the consternation of his friends. He knew he was going to pay; was counting on it in fact. Nobody humiliated Malfoy like that. Harry eased open the classroom door and saw Draco, bathed in moonlight, staring out the window. Harry gasped softly. Framed in the light like that Draco looked quite- _No! No he does not. He looks like a, like a…ferret!_ Harry thought triumphantly, almost groaning when his subconscious pointed out that ferrets were actually quite cute. He then noticed Draco staring at him, an eyebrow raised quizzically. Humiliated, Harry decided it couldn't get any worse, but then realized he was blushing. Blushing in front of Draco bloody Malfoy.

'Let's just get on with this, ok?' He mumbled, hoping his face would soon return to normal.

_What is happening?_ He thought.

'It's already done Potter. I'm sure you would've noticed had you not been staring at me.'

Harry felt his chest tighten.

'So, I'll go then.' He managed to croak out.

'No, Potter. I'm going to give you an extra lesson. Free of charge.' Draco said with an evil grin.

Harry entered the room, closing the door behind him and fighting with his subconscious over whether Draco looked good or not. He blinked slowly, realizing Draco had just asked him something.

'Huh?' Harry mumbled, feeling foolish.

Draco's mouth twisted into what Harry would've called a smile on anyone else.

'Just get the ingredients I tell you to.'

Harry stood before the door of the ingredients room, trying not to shudder. It would be darker than normal… He sighed, chewing his lip. He could feel Draco's eyes on his back as he pushed the door open with trembling hands, stepping inside. It took all his strength not to cry out in fear. He found the ingredients as Draco called their names, wishing he would just hurry up. _He doesn't know you are afraid_, Harry told himself, although it did seem Draco was taking twice as long as was necessary. _Maybe that's just me._ When no more names were called he stepped back into the main room, breathing a sigh of relief. Draco was staring at him, grinning wolfishly, his eyes hooded and legs spread as he sprawled seductively in Snape's chair. Harry stared momentarily, the items in his arms forgotten, falling to the floor. He tilted his head briefly, eyes still locked to Draco's, at the clatter. _Merlin, I need him,_ he thought, and then, _yeah, like I need another hole in the head._ But that addition didn't seem to matter for his lips were on Draco's, one hand on his thigh, one entwined in his hair. Draco was astonished at the need, the longing…the pain in the kiss. As Harry's hand brushed his groin and he realized the state of his arousal he put shaky hands against Harry's chest and pushed him backwards gently. Harry's eyes widened at the shock of what he had done, searching Draco's for…he didn't know. He straightened his back, ran his hands through his hair and stammered 'I-I've gotta go' before fleeing the room. Draco sighed, perplexed. _This won't do at all…_

--

Blaise looked up as Draco entered the room and winced under the harsh gaze.

'What are you doing on my bed, Blaise?' Draco asked.

'Uh… You have a plan. I can tell.' Blaise responded, ignoring the question.

'Yes, my good man, I do.'

'Oh, I've never been a good man.' Blaise whispered, looking at Draco pointedly.

Draco felt the familiar heat rising in him but reminded himself that now was not the time.

'I need you to hit on Potter.' Draco said.

'Are you serious?'

'I thought you'd go for anything that moved.'

'I suppose he is kind of cute…' Blaise murmured.

'He most certainly is not. He'll probably be in the library tomorrow morning after breakfast as Trelawny's sick.'

'So soon?'

'I need to know if he's gay.'

'Why?'

Draco paused, thinking of an adequate excuse.

'I'm not tutoring him for free.' He finally hissed.

Blaise laughed nervously. There was something odd, almost feverish about Draco's eyes. Draco thanked the Lord of Small Mercies that Blaise wasn't that perceptive and crawled into his bed, pushing Blaise off in the process. He hated Harry…didn't he?

--

Harry awoke with a gasp, the memory of the night before fading into his subconscious. How could that insufferable git make him feel so much when all he felt otherwise was numbness? He had gone to bed last night fully intending to mend things with Ginny, but rememering the look on Draco's face and how it felt to kiss him sent shivers down his spine. He realized he was trembling. _I need to talk to Hermione_, he thought, creeping from his bed. He pulled some clothes on and snuck into her room, hissing her name. She sat up, clutching a sheet to her chest with the other.

'Mm...Harry?' she whispered.

'Yeah. Sorry to wake you but I needed to talk. Do you mind?'

'N-no. It's just early.'

Harry tried not to flinch at the hesitation in her voice.

'I know. Look, first let me say that I'm sorry for the way I've been acting lately. I just...I've been having a hard time of things and I had to sort some stuff out.' It wasn't a lie...not really.

'It's ok Harry. But we're your friends. We could've helped you.'

'I really needed to deal with this on my own. But now I do have something I think you can help me with.'

Hermione looked intently at him, her interest piqued.

M'ione...I...there's this guy I know, right. And, anyway, this guy he thinks he might be gay, but he...he doesn't know if he is or not.'

Hermione raised an eyebrow.

'That would explain what happened between you and Ginny.' she said softly.

'Oh no, it's not...' Harry began protesting but knew it to be futile. 'Fine. But I don't know if I am or not. Please don't tell Ron.'

'I won't. But you should.'

'I know. I will. I have to figure it out first.'

'Hmm...maybe go talk to Seamus.' Hermione said, collapsing back onto the bed. 'Can I go back to sleep now?'

'Yeah. Thanks M'ione.' Harry whispered, noting with irony that he had just been passed off.

Harry returned to the boys dorms, wishing he'd been made a prefect, then he'd have his own room. But at least this way Ron wasn't around to question his actions. He crept to Seamus' bed and tapped him on the shoulder, waking him. Pressing a fingeer to his lips he indicated for the boy to follow him. Harry sat on the couch in the common room followed by a very tired looking Seamus.

'Harry? Do you have any idea what time it is?' Seamus asked groggily.

'I know. I'm sorry. But I couldn't sleep.'

'And you woke me why?'

'I...needed to talk to someone.'

'But why me?'

'Er, Hermione suggested it, actually.'

Seamus yawned and rubbed his eyes.

'Having a crisis?'

'I...er...'

Harry felt strange. Seamus was a friend, but...

'Spit it out mate, or can I go back to bed?'

'Wait, I...this is considerably harder than I thought it would be. Seamus, I, well...I need some advice.'

'Oh?'

'Yeah. Yeah. I...er...I know this is going to be awkward and wierd...but... How do you know if you are gay?'

Seamus frowned.

'Are you...?'

'I don't know! I'm so confused.' Harry rested his head on his hands.

'Harry, what did you feel when you were with Ginny?' Seamus asked softly.

'Nothing.' Harry mumbled.

'Have you kissed any blokes?'

Harry started to shake his head but then nodded, sighing heavily.

'I...this guy...he... I saw him tonight. And I...it felt...funny...'

'Funny?'

'Mm. I just...I don't know. It was just...wrong!'

'Is being gay that wrong?' Seamus asked, hurt creeping into his voice.

'No, Seamus, no. But...if I told you who it was you'd understand what I meant.'

'So tell me.'

Harry chewed his bottom lip. Could he? He didn't know what to do anymore.

'Promise you won't tell anyone else...please Seamus.'

'Ok Harry.'

'It...it was...Malfoy.' Harry blushed.

Seamus stared at him for a few moments.

'You kissed Malfoy? Oh Harry...he is gorgeous. But he's no good. Not just for you, for anyone.'

'I know that.' Harry said bitterly. 'But he's the only person who sees me for what I truly am. To him I'm no hero...and I need that.'

Seamus stared at his friend as he left the common room angrily, concerned that he was headed for trouble. No good could come of this.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

Disclaimer: Neither the characters or locations are mine; they belong to J. K. Rowling and various affiliated companies. No plagiarism or copyright infringement is intended. All characters will be returned safe and sound with smiles on their faces and food in their bellies. :D

A/N: Ta-da! I'm thinking this is all beginning to sound a little...contrived? But I continue on...

Harry had his face buried in texts at the back of the library, thinking over everything he had said earlier and coming to the conclusion that it had been a mistake to confide in anyone. _I know he's no good_, he thought wryly, _but that doesn't mean I want him any less._ Suddenly he felt a hand on the back of his neck. He turned his head but saw no one. Returning his gaze to the front he was surprised to see Blaise Zabini sitting opposite him, a hungry look in his eyes. Harry sighed.

'Blaise?' he asked. 'Everything ok?'

'Perfect.' Blaise responded, not breaking eye contact.

Harry stood up and began gathering his things together. Suddenly Blaise was standing next to him and their lips were pressed together. Harry almost sighed, but didn't pull away. He needed the connection, to forget Draco. _Have all the Slytherin's gone mad?_ he thought. Blaise finally pulled back and winked at him before leaving. Harry sat down, staring after him in shock. He decided something was definitely wrong and leant his head on the table.

--

Seamus looked up from Dean as Harry stumbled into the common room. He took in Harry's appearance: lips swollen, hair more dishevelled than usual, eyes slightly dazed. He raised an eyebrow.

'Harry? What happened?'

Harry looked at Seamus as if noticing him for the first time.

'I just...I think...I just...Blaise...' he stuttered.

'Ah.'

'Yeah.'

Harry ran a hand through his hair absentmindedly.

'Have you got an answer yet?' Seamus asked.

'N-no.' Harry whispered, shaking his head.

Seamus whispered something to Dean, who nodded somewhat reluctantly, and then rounded on Harry.

'This is an experiment, Harry.' Seamus said softly.

Harry stared worriedly as Seamus pushed him up against the wall, placed his hands on his hips and kissed him. Harry stood still, wanting to lose himself in the sensation as he had before, but felt nothing. Suddenly there was a shrill squeal that Harry recognized as Ginny. He looked over Seamus' shoulder at the girl.

'H-harry?' Ginny asked.

Harry didn't respond as Seamus released him and returned to Dean's side. Ginny spluttered for a moment and then fled the room.

'Fan-tastic.' Harry mumbled, rubbing his temples.

'She'll be ok Harry.' Dean whispered, clutching Seamus' hand.

Harry realized just how difficult that had been for Dean to watch and mumbled an apology that he appeared to wave off but Harry could tell by his eyes was appreciated.

'So...what did you feel then?' Seamus asked.

'It wasn't altogether unpleasant...but still...nothing. What is going on?'

'Hmm. I think you need to talk to...well, you know. He seems to be able to make you feel things.'

Harry thought back to his last few encounters with Draco, each associated with strong emotion, culminating in that kiss. He sighed heavily.

'Thanks Seamus, Dean. You...you've helped a lot.'

At that moment Ron stormed into the room followed by an embarrassed Ginny and a nervous Hermione.

'YOU'RE GAY?!?' Ron yelled.

'Uh...yeah...' Harry mumbled.

'Why the hell didn't you just tell us?'

Harry realized Ron wasn't angry, merely ashamed he hadn't realized it before.

'I...wanted to be sure.'

'And kissing Seamus? You know he's with Dean.'

'I was just helping him on his way.' Seamus said from the couch.

Ron looked at him and laughed.

'God, we thought there was something seriously wrong with you!'

As Harry grinned he had to stifle a scream. _There is something wrong with me_, he thought, _it's just nobody can see past the "hero"._

--

Walking into potions Harry groaned to see that instead of sitting on the end he would be sitting where Draco usually did, thereby sandwiched between Draco and Blaise. He sat nervously, waiting for Draco to tell him what to do.

'I'll go get the ingredients this time Potter, you read the instructions.'

As Draco walked off Harry wanted to cry out 'don't leave me!' He tensed as he felt Blaise's hand on his thigh. He tried to concentrate on the instructions, hoping Draco would return quickly. He felt warm breath on his neck, heard Blaise whisper 'date me Potter' and then was falling backward. As his head hit the floor he heard Snape cry 'Mr. Potter, must you interrupt this class at every opportunity?' and then fell into the welcoming blackness.

--

He awoke to find Hermione staring at him, worry creasing her face, whilst Ron appeared to be glaring at someone on the other side of the bed. Turning his head he saw Blaise who immediately kissed his forehead. Harry realized he was now dating the Slytherin, though he couldn't remember agreeing to. It couldn't be that bad; surely as a Slytherin he'd have no expectations of who or what Harry should be. Harry grinned weakly and sat up, finding his fingers entwined with Blaise's. Madame Pomfrey harrumphed and the four students looked at her.

'If I could go more than a fortnight without seeing you Mr Potter, I'd be very very happy.'

--

After a week of dating Blaise Harry realized he expected things as well, things Harry couldn't give. He was tired of being groped in public, especially since he felt asolutely nothing. He looked around idly, wondering if there were any fairy rings on the Hogwarts grounds. He decided if there were they were not to be found beneath the Quidditch stands where he was currently standing. He knew, however, that Hagrid wouldn't really mind if he returned empty-handed; he never did. Harry wanted to speak with Seamus, ask him if breaking up with a guy was likely to be as messay and as hard as breaking up with girls. Suddenly he felt someone grab him from behind.

'Don't turn around.' a husky voice said.

Harry didn't know if he even could. A masculine chest pressed against his body, lips were buried in his neck and open palms spread across his stomach. The strangers body fit so perfectly against his, and as hands and mouth roamed Harry realized he felt. He could feel! He breathed in deep, wanting to take the aroma of the stranger with him. He smelled of sweat and leather and mint – the real kind, not the falsified toothpaste kind, and something more exotic that reminded Harry of snowstorms. His head spun as he was released, collapsing to his knees as the person vanished. He stayed that way for a long time, trembling, wishing he knew who it was so he could feel like that every day.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

Disclaimer: Neither the characters or locations are mine; they belong to J. K. Rowling and various affiliated companies. No plagiarism or copyright infringement is intended. All characters will be returned safe and sound with smiles on their faces and food in their bellies. :D

A/N: *yawn*

Harry felt an overwhelming sense of dismay when he entered the astronomy tower for his lesson with Draco only to find Blaise there as well. He gave Draco as dirty a look as he could manage and sat huffily down, opening his text to the page indicated. He found it extremely hard to concentrate with Blaise nibbling at his neck and pushed him away.

'Stop! I need to concentrate.' he snarled.

'But you're so sweet...' Blaise whispered.

Harry cast an imploring gaze at Draco.

'Blaise, leave. If Potty fails he will no longer be in potions with you.' Draco said, wondering what had possessed him.

He had bought Blaise to stop him from doing anything stupid, and now he was sending him away? _God damnit Draco, get this under control_, he thought to himself as Blaise kissed Harry goodbye and Draco felt himself overcome with envy. Harry sighed, relieved, once he had left.

'So Potter...what's with you and Blaise?' Draco sneered, not wanting to know.

Harry stared at him, anger flashing in his eyes.

'You know Malfoy, I thought you'd be different this year. After you helped us-'

'No. I did not "help" you. What I did was purely for my own satisfaction. Voldemort ruined my life. He killed my mother and stole my father. He deserved no less than death.'

Harry looked at Draco guiltily, who had his eyes closed and nostrils flaring. Much to his surprise a solitary tear slipped out from beneath a shut eye, and then the mask was back up, eyes hard, sneer in place. Harry felt uncomfortable so lashed out.

'You want to know what is "with" Blaise and I?' Harry hissed. 'Nothing! I feel nothing when he touches me, when he kisses me, when he whispers my name. I'm tired of everyone's expectations. My life feels like a big poorly written plot. And I feel nothing!'

With that Harry gathered his things and stalked from the room. Draco couldn't help but feel that Harry had been accusing him of something, and thought back to the time at the lake when he had asked to be hurt...

--

Draco was mad at Harry for reasons he couldn't fully grasp, for they were flitting around in his mind like a snitch on hyperdrive. He thought, perhaps, that it had something to do with the fact that he had allowed the mask to slip. And so, seizing an opportunity, during the Quidditch game the next day he knocked Harry off his broom, sending him hurtling to the ground below. As he circled lazily above, listening to the cheers from his fellow Slytherins (for now they had won, the Gryffindors would have to forfeit), he couldn't help but feel terribly guilty. _What if he's seriously injured?_ he thought aas the unconscious boy was carted off to the hospital wing. Disgusted with the way he was feeling he knew he had to talk with someone. And he knew who.

--

'Granger!' Draco cried.

Hermione looked up from her books, her eyes red-rimmed from crying. Draco knew that Harry was still unconscious and it was killing him.

'I'm not going to speak with you unless you use my first name.' she said defiantly, confused over why he would seek her out in the first place.

Draco sighed heaavily. He didn't know if he could...it had been instilled in him that mudbloods were beneath him. Still...

'H-hermione. May I speak with you?' he asked as graciously as he could.

'Much better.' Hermione responded, indicating for him to take a seat.

'I...I didn't know who else to speak to. Everybody always says you're good at solving problems.'

'Oh, I just point out the obvious.' she told him modestly, but Draco could tell she was pleased.

'Well...I hope you can help me. I'm sure... What I mean to say is... My, er...relationships are not exactly unknown. But I...I've kind of hit a, well, snag. See, there's this guy, right, and I... I don't know. He makes me feel...different. But it is impossible for us to be together.'

'Who is this person?'

I...uh...can't tell you.'

'So let me see if I understand what you are telling me. There's a guy who you won't name that you want and don't want all at the same time. Is that about the gist of it?'

'Can't. I can't want them.'

'Ri-ight. And you want me to help how?'

'I don't know! I just heard you gave good advice...' Draco ran his hands through his hair.

'Well, if you won't tell me who it is I really can't help. Every situation is different.'

'I...won't say his name. But...he would never want me. A single act doesn't undo six years of cruelty.'

Understanding dawned on Hermione's face.

'Oh Draco. But he's dating your best friend.'

'I know. I...told Blaise to date him. I thought if he was with someone I would want him less.'

'For someone so smart you really are quite stupid. Did it work?'

'Er...no. Not really. No.'

'So what now?'

_What now indeed?_ Draco thought to himself, shrugging to Hermione and returning to his room.

A/N: Do not question Draco confiding in Hermione! It's my story and I'll do what I want! :P


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

Disclaimer: Neither the characters or locations are mine; they belong to J. K. Rowling and various affiliated companies. No plagiarism or copyright infringement is intended. All characters will be returned safe and sound with smiles on their faces and food in their bellies. :D

A/N: I'm almost at the end of their Hogwarts years, but worry not, for the story will continue after they leave. Thank you to the people who haave reviewed! I send you virtual cookies!

'Blaise...don't.' Harry muttered, pushing him away. 'I can't...'

Blaise shrugged, a strange grin on his face.

'Fine Harry. I don't mind. I was only dating you because Draco asked me to. I mean, you're cute, but a little too...abstinent for my taste.'

Harry pushed past Blaise, having not heard a word after "Draco asked me to." _That git!_ he thought, _that slimy ferrety scum-bag!_

'MALFOY!' he screamed from outside the Slytherin rooms. 'Come out here now you bastard! Or are you scared?'

Draco stepped out, looking cool, calm and collected, only to have Harry fly at him, knocking him over. He felt a fist connect with his mouth, copper springing into it as his lips crushed against his teeth. Other punches rained down on him but all he could do was stare in surprise at a pair of tear-filled emerald eyes.

'How could you? Why would you? Don't you think sometimes I deserve to make my own decisions? I hate you Malfoy! And I don't get the joke!'

Draco watched silently as Harry ran off. He stood up and gazed nonchalantly toward the spectators.

'That was fucking weird.' he snarled.

General laughter meant he was off the hook, for now at least, and he strolled off in the direction Harry had run in, wishing that he could be running after him. He had recognized the look in Harry's eyes...but would he go through with it? Draco hoped not. He knew instinctively where Harry would be: near the Quidditch pitch. As he neared it he heard the sobs, saw the crumpled figure lying beneath the stands. Rushing forward he rolled Harry onto his back, gasping in dismay at the jugged cuts down his forearms. He pressed his hands to them, panic throwing propriety out the window.

'HELP!' he cried. 'Harry, hold on. HELP! Harry, look at me. What's my name? HELP!'

'M-malfoy.'

'No! What's my name Harry?'

'M-malfoy.' he whispered again, weaker this time.

'No! SOMEONE HELP! Focus Harry, you can do it!'

'D...draco...' Harry whispered, slipping into unconsciousness surrounded by snowstorms and the scent of mint.

--

Draco had been sitting in the same position for two days, staring at Harry and hoping that he would wake up. _Merlin, I killed him... _Draco was still in the same clothes, he was still bloody. Only Hermione knew why. She always favored him with a wan smile, a pat on the arm and the whispered words 'he'll be ok.' Draco hoped so. He wasn't going to move until he was. He refused to consider the alternative. So when Harry opened his eyes the first thing he saw was Draco, still covered in his blood. He quickly closed them again, hoping Draco hadn't nooticed. He had come to a realization. Draco had been the person under the Quidditch stands. And...as much as he didn't want to admit it, Harry knew he wanted Draco. He opened his eyes again and the fear and concern he'd thought he'd seen on Draco's face were gone, replaced with his trademark sneer. Draco stalked from the room, happy that Harry was ok, hoping he couldn't see how badly he was trembling. He knew for Harry to survive he would have to avoid him as much as possible.

--

The Christmas holiday break arrived. Families were closer after the war, and so everyone was going home. Of course, that wasn't quite true; both Harry and Draco were staying behind. Harry because he didn't think he could stand being with anyone and celebrating, Draco because he didn't want to go home to the Manor; too many bad memories. Neither boy knew the other was staying. Harry stared at the empty beds in the dorm, feeling somewhat relieved that noone was there and yet guilty for feeling that way. He sighed, straightening his bed. He pulled on jeans and an extremely wrinkled t-shirt, combed his fingers through his hair and thanked Merlin that those at St Mungo's had fixed his eyes for him so he would never have to wear his damn glasses again. He yawned sluggishly, debating whether or not to go down to the kitchen and eat. Almost of their own accord his feet took him from Gryffindor Tower through the school and to the kitchen. Unfortunately, lost in his thoughts Harry didn't notice the door swinging open until it smacked him in the head. His eyes widened with surprise, not because it hurt but because he wwas now face-to-face with Draco, the last person he'd have expected to see over the break. Harry's mouth opened once but he slammed it closed before anything he was thinking about the way Draco was licking his fingers could escape. Draco raised his eyebrows and dropped his hand from his mouth. Harry closed his eyes and touched his forehead, smearing the sticky trail of blood that had appeared.

'Ow...?' he whispered softly, almost a question.

Without opening his eyes Harry turned away and walked toward the bathroom that was on this floor. He pulled his shirt off and wadded it up, pressing it to his forehead to staunch the blood flow. He stared blankly into the mirror, dismayed that this hadn't hurt. He heard the bathroom door open but wouldn't turn around. He knew he should say something scathing, perhaps 'come to cause more damage', but he couldn't bring himself to. Instead he remained focused on his own reflection in the mirror. Draco stared at Harry, an involuntary gasp breaking free. He was so thin...his ribs and spine were clearly distinguishable, his shoulder blades sticking out like knives.

'Ha- Potter?' Draco asked.

Finally Harry looked at Draco, his gaze questioning.

'You can call me Harry you know. It is my name after all.' he said softly.

'Wouldn't you prefer Saviour?' Draco spat out.

Almost immediately he wished he could take it back. Harry's face paled and his eyes dulled. _I'd take it back if I could._ Draco watched in disbelief as Harry collapsed, cracking his head on the sink as he fell.

--

Harry awoke slowly, the corpses in his dream reluctant to release him. He groaned and buried his head in an unfamiliar pillow. He opened one eye cautiously and saw green and silver. Slytherin. He sat up slowly and almost fainted again as his gaze fell on Draco. _I am in Draco's bed...what am I doing here?_ He slipped out of the bed quietly and almost made it past the sleeping boy but tripped, slamming his already agonizing head into the door.

'Merlin, you're clumsy Harry.' Draco murmured drowsily.

His eyes flung wide as he realized what he had said. _What is he doing in my room? Oh...right..._ Harry, meanwhile, had decided that it was infinitely more comfortable on the floor than having to meet Draco's eyes...especially after hearing him speak his name. Harry was sure he was losing his mind.

'Are you ever going to get up from there?' Draco asked, barely managing to disguise a soft chuckle.

Harry wished he had heard some malice in Draco's voice but couldn't find any at all.

'I find this quite the safe position,' Harry mumbled into the rug, 'Because then I don't have to think about how or why I am here.'

This time Draco did chuckle softlyy.

'Are you hurt?'

'I don't know. As long as I am not bleeding I suppose I am fine. My head hurts like hell though.'

'You have smacked it twice.'

Harry groaned and sat up, rubbing his forehead, muttering 'three times' under his breath. Suddenly Draco was on his knees beside Harry, touching his forehead gingerly.

'Doesn't seem to be damaged...'

Harry stared wide-eyed at Draco as his fingers trailed down his jaw line. He realized his breathing was becoming ragged.

'D-draco?' Harry whispered.

'Shut up.' Draco hissed.

Harry blinked slowly, staring at the promise in Draco's eyes. _This can't be happening,_ Harry thought. Draco tore his gaze away, shaking his head.

'Merlin...' he whispered shakily.

Harry seized the opportunity to flee. Draco looked up, wondering what he had done. He quickly followed, heading toward Gryffindor Tower. He saw Harry duck in but was stopped by the Fat Lady. She frowned at Draco contemptuously.

'I hope you do not think I would let you in Mister Malfoy.'

'I...er, was kind of hoping...'

She clicked her tongue, earning a scowl. Draco sighed heavily.

'When he comes out could you at least tell him I'm sorry?'

'A Malfoy apologizing? I would love to be a part of this monumentous occasion.'

Draco snarled before stalking away.

--

A week had passed without Draco even catching a glimpse of Harry. And now even the Fat Lady was ignoring him. Draco thought he was going mad, having successfully annoyed a portrait so much that it ignored him. He hadn't thought that possible. Since that fuck up with Blaise he had vowed to leave Harry alone, but now... He grabbed his broom and stalked to the Quidditch pitch, wanting desperately to forget about the other boy. He flew lazily for a while, but his heart wasn't in it. He stared into the sky as something hurtled toward the ground. Horrified, Draco realized it was Harry, and he showed no sign of stopping. Draco sped into Harry, sending them both flying off their brooms, landing tangled on the ground.

'What on earth were you trying to do?' Draco gasped when he finally got his breathing under control.

Harry stared sullenly, chewing his bottom lip.

'I wanted to see when I would feel afraid.'

'You could've died!'

'I've served my purpose, Malfoy. Or have you forgotten that?'

Harry laughed dryly. Draco sighed, realizing that he didn't really mind lying on top of Harry this way. Even stranger though was the fact that he hadn't been pushed off yet. He leant in so his lips brushed Harry's earlobe, nipping at it gently.

'Do you really want to feel something?' he whispered headily.

Harry sighed, his heart pounding so fast he thought it might break free of his chest at any moment.

'Can you make me feel?' he whispered in response.

As Draco's mouth pressed against his a moan escaped and Harry had to admit that he could. Of course he could. He gasped, his mind finally realizing how much his body wanted this. Draco pulled away and stood up, grinning softly.

'Feel anything yet?'

Harry leapt up and, grasping hold of Draco's shirt, pulled their bodies together, a low growl escaping. Draco chuckled, meeting Harry's mouth again. Harry ground his hips into Draco's and this time Draco moaned.

'Merlin...' he gasped as Harry fumbled with his belt. 'Harry, slow down.'

Harry lifted his eyes to Draco's, gauging his seriousness. Sighing he stepped backward.

'How do you do this to me?' he asked, running a hand through his hair. 'No one else, ever, has made me feel this way...and since the war...I haven't felt a thing except when I'm with you.'

Draco stared in silence. He didn't know how to respond to that.

'We can't do this.' he muttered.

'Just once, please. Let me feel alive again, just one time. I know we can't...but won't you?' Harry pleaded.

Draco leant in close.

'I can't help you Potter.' he growled regretfully before walking away.

_I could never have you just once,_ he thought_, because then I'd wantt you forever._

--

The remainder of the school year passed torturously slow for Draco. He had changed. He could no longer accept anyone into his bed. His "mean streak" faded and he moped around. Harry had changed as well, hoping to fill the hole within him with an endless parade of lovers. Both boys passed and, whilst Harry became an Auror as expected, Draco faded into anonymity,

A/N: Alright...so I don't actually know if a door can hit you in the head hard enough to make you bleed. But it did here, so ner. Also, yes Harry and Draco seem to be switching moods alot, but I'm trying to indicate how difficult it is for them to accept this. They were enemies, remember. Hope you are enjoying it. Reviewers get candy!


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

Disclaimer: Neither the characters or locations are mine; they belong to J. K. Rowling and various affiliated companies. No plagiarism or copyright infringement is intended. All characters will be returned safe and sound with smiles on their faces and food in their bellies. :D

A/N:I am going to dedicate this chapter to TopazEyesForever because of her nice review. Oh, and if you haven't figured it out by now, I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENED IN THE BOOKS! I'm sure the characters have more fun doing what I say anyway... :D

THREE YEARS LATER

Hermione stared at her friends. Most had reacted better than she had expected. Ron had reacted exactly as she knew he would.

'You want us to pimp Harry out to Malfoy?' he cried.

'Ron...' Seamus began.

'You've got to be kidding me!'

'Ron...' Dean tried.

'This is simply ridiculous!'

'RON!' Neville cried.

Ron shut up at that point; Neville never yelled at anyone.

'I think what Hermione means to do,' Draco said softly, having stayed out of the conversation until now, 'is "pimp" me out to Harry.'

Ron grabbed Draco's shirt, slamming him against the wall.

'Don't you ever say his name! You caused him nothing but pain for seven years!' Ron hissed.

'Don't you think I know that?'

Ron released Draco, finding the emotion in his eyes disconcerting. He wouldn't believe Malfoy regretted his actions, something the others seemed all too willing to do.

--

Arriving at Grimmauld Place, Harry's friends found a naked maan trying to pull on the clothes being thrown at him. They could hear Harry yelling 'I told you to be gone when I got back!' Harry appeared in the doorway as the man raced down the street. He looked at his friends, smirking.

'Did you just come for the show or are you coming in?'

One by one his friends stepped past. The last person was Draco and Harry blocked the doorway before he could come in

'I didn't invite you.' he sneered.

Draco didn't say anything, just looked at Harry, not trying to force his way in. Hermione touched Harry's shoulder.

'He's my guest Harry. Let him in.'

'Fine. But I'm doing it for you Hermione. Not him.'

Draco stepped in, whispering 'thank you'. Almost immediately two house elves appeared before him. The one that bowed he didn't recognize, but the one pulling its ears bore a striking resemblance to...

'Dobby?' Draco asked.

'Mister Malfoy, don't be mad at Dobby. Dobby is a bad elf, yes, he is.'

With that Dobby proceeded to bash his head against the wall. Harry sighed aggravatedly.

'Kreacher, take Dobby to the kitchen. Really M'ione...this is not a halfway house for rejected house elves.'

Draco stared as Kreacher led the pathetic Dobby away. He suddenly heard Harry cry 'What? No. Absolutely not.' and knew what Hermione had just asked. Draco sighed, hoping that she could convince Harry to let him stay. That wasn't a lie for the plan...he reallly had nowhere else to go, except Blaise's in Italy...and he didn't fancy that at all. Italy was too hot, too sunny. He entered the room where the others were gathered.

'Grimmauld Place has always offered sanctuary to those in need.' Hermione stated.

'I don't care. I won't have him here.' Harry replied pedantically.

Draco frowned. This was a mistake.

'Maybe I should go...' he whispered.

Hermione cried 'no' as Harry cried 'yes'. Draco stood, conflicted. The yearning he'd thought successfully buried was rising to the surface. _Beg him to let you stay_, his subconscious whispered. _No, _Draco thought._ I still have my pride. Yet..._

'Please Harry. Please let me stay for a while. I, I have nowhere else to turn.'

Draco was surprised to find tears burning inn his eyes but didn't wipe them away. _I'm sorry_, he thought. Harry narrowed his eyes and grunted. Hermione's threw her arms around Harry's neck and Draco realized he could stay.

'Thank you.' he whispered, relieved.

The group gathered in the kitchen for dinner, but it was tense and uncomfortable. Harry felt he'd been railroaded into something and was glad when they all left, that is, except Malfoy. Harry sneered unpleasantly, contorting his face much as Draco imagined he had as a child.

'Kreacher, take Malfoy to his room. I'm going out.'

'Right away Master Potter. Will Master Malfoy follow me?'

Draco sighed.

'Listen Harry-'

'No. Just go.'

Draco silently followed Kreacher through the grand old house. He noticed that there were no doors on any of the rooms, except, perhaps, the bathroom and a few bedrooms.

'Kreacher, can I ask you a question?'

'Anything Mister Malfoy.'

'Why are there no doors?'

'Mister Potter is afraid, sir.'  
And that was that. Draco collapsed on the bed in his room, groaning at the ridiculousness of this situation. And just what was it that Harry was afraid of anyway?


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

Disclaimer: Neither the characters or locations are mine; they belong to J. K. Rowling and various affiliated companies. No plagiarism or copyright infringement is intended. All characters will be returned safe and sound with smiles on their faces and food in their bellies. :D

A/N: Bum-bum-bum! :D

Harry woke to a shrill scream piercing his ears. He looked at the man he'd brought hime but he seemed just as surpprised as Harry feltt.

'What the hell is that?' the man hissed.

'My housemate.' Harry responded, realizing that was all it could be. 'Wait here.'

Harry stormed over to Draco's room and flung the door open. Draco was lying on the floor, shivering, his head pressed to his knees.

'Malfoy!' Harry cried.

Draco lay very still, not wanting to believe that Harry had heard him. He'd tried to be quiet, oh-so-quiet, but...he'd felt such pain. He hadn't felt that since... Harry stared increduously at Draco's bare torso, fighting an urge to trace Draco's scars with his fingers, his lips. He'd never seen Draco without his shirt, and the scars...it looked like he'd been whipped repeatedly.

'H-harry?' Draco whispered.

Harry shook his head, snapping out of it.

'Listen Malfoy. I won't have the Ministry coming down on me again for Muggles reporting screaming from somewhere that isn't there.'

He muttered something softly and Draco's room was briefly filled with a bluish light.

'Just a little something I picked up oyt of necessity. Scream all you fucking like.'

Harrry stalked off, leaving Draco staring after him. _What did you mean, Harry? _he thought, pressing his face to his knees once more, feeling the dampness of tears soaking through his pants. It was just a nightmare, that's all. Just a nightmare...

--

Draco stood staring into the fridge, enveloped in its cool breath. It was well stocked, but not with food.

'Kreacher?' Draco asked.

The elf appeared next to him with a soft _pop_.

'Yes Mister Malfoy?'

'Why is there no food?'

'Oh, Mister Potter sends Kreacher when he is hungry. Is Mister Malfoy hungry?'

Draco nodded and the elf vanished, obviously to get some food. Draco jumped at a noise behind him and turned around to find a stranger standing in the kitchen.

'Oh, hello. Are you the screaming housemate? I'm-'

'He doesn't care who you are. I thought I told you to leave.' Harry snapped.

I'm going. Jeez.'

The door slammed behind him. Draco raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Could this unpleasant man be the same boy he'd fallen in love with?

'See something you like Malfoy?' Harry snarled.

'Something I used to.' Draco whispered, stepping toward Harry.

He raised a hand almost as if he were to caress Harry's cheek, but stopped just before touching, letting it fall back to his side. He sighed and stalked from the room. Harry scowled, mad that he'd wanted Draco to touch him. He swore softly before leaving for work.

--

And so the weeks passed. Harry was avoiding Draco like the plague, not wanting to feel what he had before. Draco didn't matter to him. Or so he told himself. Draco didn't catch more than the first syllable of any of Harry's lovers names before they were thrown out of the house. Every night Harry cast the silencing spell and more often than not Draco awoke, his throat raw and bloodied. They were just dreams, though. That's all. He was safe. A few months after moving in Draco thought he might go mad. He couldn't believe Harry felt anything but loathing for him. He stared bleakly into the fire, waiting for Harry to come home, another stranger in his arms. He didn't look up when the front door opened and, feigning sleep, manageed not to get into a confrontation. _Why can't that be me?_ he thought sadly.

--

Harry pushed the stranger – he hadn't even bothered with his name – against the wall, kissing him angrily.

'Who's that freak in the other room?' the man asked.

'He doesn't concern you.'

'He's fucking creepy. Seriously. I didn't know you had a penchant for albino's.'

'Get out.' Harry said, surprised at the rage he felt.

'What?' the man laughed.

'Get the fuck out of my house!'

Draco raised an eyebrow as the stranger stalked past, the door slamming behind him. He then turned his gaze to Harry, who was standing over him, face contorted with fury. Suddenly Harry's lips were on his, violent and angry and oh-so-perfect. Harry pulled away, his eyes blazing.

'You too. I want you out of my goddamn house! You've been ruining my life since we were kids, but I will not put up with it anymore. Get out, now. In the morning you can get your stuff after I have left for work. I never want to see you again Malfoy. Never again.'

Draco nodded stiffly, still processing the kiss, and left the house, shivering as the cool night air embraced him. He knew he needed to warm up...and he knew the best place for that was a pub.

A/N: Oh-oh! Poor Draco...poor Harry. I just threw the kiss in because Harry was so angry. But it fits, no? And I know this chapter and the previous one were kind of short, and the next one or two might be as well, but it just happens that way. I get to the spot I want to end it at and, well, end it. But if you truly minded you wouldn't still be reading, now would you.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

Disclaimer: Neither the characters or locations are mine; they belong to J. K. Rowling and various affiliated companies. No plagiarism or copyright infringement is intended. All characters will be returned safe and sound with smiles on their faces and food in their bellies. :D

A/N: Poor Draco. Outcast, into the cold...but now he's in a nice warm pub. Bad things cannot happen there, can they?

Five beers later Draco was feeling much happier. He even foundd himself agreeing to go for pizza with the guy who had been buying him beer all night as he downed number six. But as he was slammed into a wall, a greasy boozy mouth pressed against his he knew something was wrong.

'N-no...shtop...' he slurred,

Laughter rang in his ears.

'You can't tease like you do.' a voice growled.

Draco cried out in pain before giving up an embracing the darkness swooping up on him.

--

Draco awoke slowly, painfully. He pulled on what remained of his clothes and limped back to the only place he knew. Slumped on Harry's porch he waited for morning. He'd decided to move to Italy. Blaise was there, he'd take him in. Everything would work out. _Hell, maybe I'll even meet one of those cute Italian boys Blaise is always carrying on about in his letters_, he thought wryly. His next coherent thought was that whoever was shaking him better bloody stop it if they knew what was good for them. He groaned and opened his eyes to see Harry staring at him with...concern? _No, pity. It had to be pity._ Draco stood, wobbling just a little.

'I just came to get my things.' he said as though he looked perfectly normal.

Harry followed him inside.

'Malfoy...what...what happened to you?'

Draco winced as he smelt beer. He could still feel that guy... Tears sprang to his eyes.

'You're getting your wish Potter. I'm leaving. Moving to Italy, in fact.' he said.

Harry flinched to realize he was back to "Potter", and that he had liked being "Harry".

'You'll burn.' was all he could think of to say.

'No. I'll tan and I'll dye my hair and Draco Malfoy will never have existed. Not in Italy, anyway.'

Harry made a strangled sort of sound. _Beg him to stay with you,_ his subconscious cried.

'Draco, I...'

Draco pushed past him.

'I...'

The words wouldn't come. The door was opening and...

'Iwantyoutostay!' Harry cried in one breath.

Draco paused.

'No you don't.'

'I do...do you want to know why I kicked...uh...er...oh, I never got his fucking name. Who am I kidding? I kicked him out because he started to insult you and I got mad. I...I want us to be friends.'

_And more,_ his subconscious whispered.

_Just friends?_ Draco thought forlornly. He turned and smiled weakly.

'I would like that.' he whispered before passing out again.

--

He awoke to find his godfather staring at him with the peculiar mix of affection and aloofness he always had, only now concern was thrown into the mix.

'What happened?' Draco whispered.

'I think we should be asking you that.'

Draco shook his head, not wanting to relive it. Snape sighed.

'Severus...I...I would like to not sleep for a day or two...'

'Your body needs time to recover.'

'At the expense of my mind? Please, just a day or two.'

'Very well,' Snape sighed. 'I will make the potions. But you are not to do anything strenuous during the day. I'm sure Po- Harry here will see that you don't.'

Draco looked at Harry and grinned weakly. So he was staying then, at least for a couple of days. And then...who knew?

'Harry, would you mind giving me a moment with Draco?'

Harry nodded and left the room.

'Do you think it...prudent to stay here?'

'I do.'

'Your history indicates-'

'We've put all that aside. We're going to be friends.'

'Just friends?'

'That's all it can be...all he wants...'

Severus heard the sharp intake of breath that indicated Harry had been listening on the other side of the door. _Silly boys_, he thought.

--

Draco sat having a staring contest with the orange potion that would keep him awake. He was so tired, but every time he closed his eyes he could feel the guy pushing at him...in him. He knew Harry's eyes were on him, concerned. Draco hadn't told him what happeneed...he didn't know if he could. Harry had barely left Draco's side all day, so great was his concern. He hadn't even considered finding someone to share his bed, for the first time in a long time. And he was surprised at the next set of words out of his mouth.

'I'll stay up with you...well, as long as I can. If you want, that is.'

Draco's eyes widened in surprise.

'Ah, Saint Potter has returned.' he said, grinning cheekily.

'Don't call me that. Only call me Harry.'

Draco apologized softly, downing a potion.

'Well...' he said.

'Yes.' Harry responded.

'I...suppose, if you are going to stay up I should probably tell you what happened.'

'Only if you want to.' Harry whispered, all of a sudden unsure if he wanted to hear it.

Draco didn't particularly want to...but Harry had been so patient, missing work and staying home with him. He obviously was genuine about developing a friendship. _Or something more, _his traitorous subconscious whispered. Draco took a shaky breath.

'I suppose I asked for it really.' he whispered, looking at anything but Harry. 'I mean...I was just so... Everyone knows you shouldn't lead people on like that. It's asking for trouble.'

Harry realized what had happened even though Draco never actually said it. He wanted desperately to hold the trembling boy tightly but instead placed a hand on his shoulder. Grey eyes locked with his own.

'Every time I close my eyes I can see him, hear him, smell him, taste him...feel him.'

Harry watched, astounded, as tears fell from Draco's eyes. He felt he should do something...but didn't know the appropriate response. _What would you do if it were anyone else?_ he asked himself, knowing full well that he would normally lie and tell them everything would be ok. But he didn't want to lie to Draco. So what? It was rare times like this he missed the expectations; at least then he always knew what to do. He sighed, squeezing Draco's hand in what he hoped was a comforting manner.

'It wasn't your fault.' he whispered.

'I led him on.'

'Perhaps. But did you ask him to stop?'

Draco nodded slowly.

'Well, then it's his fault for not listening.'

Harry smiled softly as Draco wiped his eyes, mumbling an apology forr having broken down.

'Well...now what? We have the whole night ahead of us.' Harry said.

Draco shrugged.

'You know...you don't have to...' he whispered.

'But I want to.' Harry responded firmly.

Draco shivered a little before reminding himself not to read too much into things. _He just wants to be friends._ Draco sighed, not knowing what to do.

'I know.' Harry said cheerfully.

'What?'

Draco watched as Harry put on a muggle movie, "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". Draco grinned inwardly; it was one of his favorites...and you had to admit that Tim Curry was rather fetching for a man in lingerie. Draco was surprised to find himself singing along with Harry as the movie progressed. Harry was surprised at the melodic tones of Draco's voice. By the end of "Hot Patootie" Harry's head had dropped to Draco's shoulder. Draco tensed but realized that Harry had merely fallen asleep. He still didn't want to move just in case it woke him; he found Harry's proximity, his touch, soothing. They stayed like that all night Draco didn't even move when Harry's arm slung across his waist. The ache he felt that this wasn;t real tormented him, but for now he relished the touch.

--

Harry awoke slowly, strangely comforted by whatever it was he was pressed against. He drummed his fingers against what he discovered was a hip bone and hears a sharp intake of breath. _Shit, Draco. Hopefully I wasn't like this all night, _he thought. _I can't have been...he wouldn't have let me._ He extricated himself from Draco's grasp, grinning sheepishly.

'I...sorry...I guess I fell asleep.'

'S'ok.' Draco muttered, not wanting to meet his eyes.

Draco tried to stretch but his neck had seized up from being in the same position all night and he couldn't stop from crying out. Harry responded unthinkingly, kneading the sore muscles with his fingers.

'Didn't you move all night?' he asked softly.

The silence gave Harry his answer.

'Why?'

'I didn't want to wake you...'

Harry swallowed heavily as Draco moaned involuntarily, the tension relieved. Harry loved the sound...wanted to hear it over and over again. He then admonished himself and headed for the kitchen.

'Hungry?' he asked.

'Mm...yeah...' Draco responded softly.

_Stupid stupid stupid! _Harry's brain screamed at him. He stood in front of the fridge wondering when all the booze had been replaced with food. Draco stood silently in the doorway, wanting so much to go up to Harry and take him in his arms. _What's stopping you?_ his subconscious asked. He growled at it and, since Harry turned questioning eyes to him, realized he had done it aloud.

'Er...pain...neck...uh, yeah.' Draco muttered, distracted by Harry's eyes.

Knowing that it would most likely be a mistake but not really caring, Harry indicated for Draco to sit at the kitchen table. He rubbed Draco's neck gently, still confused about why Draco Malfoy would remain in the same position for hours just so he wouldn't wake him. Suddenly Harry realized his lips were trailing Draco's neck. He stopped and looked at Draco, and then their lips pressed together violently. Harry was shocked by the longing in Draco's kiss and pulled away, a horrified expression on his face.

'Merlin...how could I?' he whispered before fleeing.

As Draco heard the front door slam he realized he had never before felt such agony or bewilderment...nor had he known they could be felt together.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER TEN

Disclaimer: Neither the characters or locations are mine; they belong to J. K. Rowling and various affiliated companies. No plagiarism or copyright infringement is intended. All characters will be returned safe and sound with smiles on their faces and food in their bellies. :D

A/N: Bum-ba-dum-dum

When Harry returned home he knew he would have to go apologize...but he was so confused. He heard water running in the bathroom and knocked tentatively on the door.

'Draco...?' he asked softly.

Nothing but the sound of running water.

'Draco, it's Harry. Can I...I mean, are you decent?'

Still nothing. _What it...? He wouldn't, would he?_ Harry tested the door and, upon finding it unlocked, pushed it open, fearing the worst. What he found was Draco, naked, seated beneath was was very obviously only hot water, scrubbing at himself with a bristled brush. His skin was red and raw, in some places beads of blood were appearing only to be washed away by the water that was surely scalding him.

'Draco?' Harry gasped.

He stepped closer and reached out to turn the water off. Draco suddenly looked at him, his gaze dull.

'Don't.' he hissed. 'Leave me.'

'Draco, I-'

'LEAVE!'

Harry backed out slowly, knowing there was only one person to call.

--

'You what?' Hermione asked increduously, harried from her rushed journey to Grimmauld Place.

'I think I broke Draco.' Harry said evenly, all too aware of how ridiculous it sounded.

Hermione raised an eyebrow at the use of "Draco", but felt niggling concern. Something was definitely wrong.

'Where is he?'

'Bathroom.'

Hermione looked toward the door Harry indicated warily. This had to be a joke. She sighed heavily.

'Won't he be naked?'

'Frankly M'ione...I don't think he really cares.'

What concerned her the most, Hermione discovereed, was the mixture of panic, terror and guilt in Harry's voice. She pushed the door open.

'Draco?' she asked, astonished.

'Granger.' he said, no emotion in his voice.

'What...what are you doing?'

'You know, you were wrong. I bet you don't hear that often. He doesn't love me. I don't think he even particularly likes me.'

Hermione just stared; through all this Draco had been scrubing and scrubbing at his skin.

'I want him to like me at leaast, you know?'

'Yeah. He does like you though.'

'He doesn't. He can't. He's disgsted by me...I can see it in his eyes. And so, I figure, if I scrub all the bad out, he has to like me, right?'

Hermione heard the tears in his voice as he said the last part. _Oh Draco, I'm sorry, _she thought. _I didn't realize._

'Leave me Granger. I'm not coming out until I am clean...I'm so unclean. Can't you see the blood on these hands? I drove him to it, you know. Beautiful Potter, dying on the ground, because of me. Father would be proud. Out damn spot, out!'

He returned to scrubbing with a new fervor as Hermione backed out.

'What did you do to him?' she asked Harry.

Harry's lower lip quivered as he fought back tears.

'He's trying to scrub the "bad" out so you will like him! Have you been that horrible? He's spent the last three years in St. Mungo's, for Gods sake! Get me a towel.'

Harry knew she didn't actually want an answer and rushed off, returning with a large white towel. _He was in St. Mungo's?_ Hermione frowned at him and returned to the bathroom.

'Draco, I'm going to turn off the water.' she said.

Receiving no response she did so, before deftly snatching the brush from his hands. Draco cried out and reached for it but she held it just out of his grasp.

'Stand up.'

He did so and she wrapped the towel around him, well aware that it was going to be stained.

'Now we are going to leave this room.'

'No.'

'Come on. It's not that bad.'

'He hates me! And I love him so much... It's killing me. I have to be cleaner...'

'Draco, no. Come on.'

Hermione tried to steer him out but he wouldn't budge. She sighed aggravatedly.

'Harry, I need your help.'

'No.' Draco whimpered.

Harry pushed the door open, his cheeks tear-stained, his eyes swollen and red. Draco suddenly pulled away from Hermione, his eyes growing hard.

'I don't need anyones help.' he hissed, pushing past Harry as he reached for him.

Hermione shrugged at Harry.

'I think he'll be...alright. I've got to get back to work, but let me know immediately if he "slips" again.'

'Why was he in St. Mungo's?'

'It's not my place to tell. Now I have to go.'

Harry nodded and accepted an embrace from Hermione as she left. He then went up to Draco's room where he found Kreacher packing his belongings as Draco dressed.

'What do you want Potter?' Draco sneered.

Harry visibly winced; back to Potter.

'Are...are you ok?'

'Fan-fucking-tastic. Although I must admit me coming here was a terrible idea. Does Granger have those often? Never mind. Tell me, what do you think?'

As Harry watched Draco's hair turned brown and his skin took on a deep tan.

'Think I'll fit in in Italy?'

'You're leaving then?'

'There is no reason for me to stay.'

_There is, there is, don't let him leave!_ Harry's brain screamed at him. Harry said nothing as he meekly followed Draco to the front door. Draco turned to Harry for what he knew would be the last time.

'How could she be so wrong? Goodbye Harry.' Draco whispered as his eyes became brown.

After he had gone Harry feell to his knees, marvelling at how stupid and blind he had been...and wondering if he could ever gain back what he had just lost.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

Disclaimer: Neither the characters or locations are mine; they belong to J. K. Rowling and various affiliated companies. No plagiarism or copyright infringement is intended. All characters will be returned safe and sound with smiles on their faces and food in their bellies. :D

A/N: Damn Arthur! (My palm pilot) I lost this chapter and the next one, but I think I've remembered what it said...well, close enough... Enjoy!

Draco stretched languidly before pulling the covers over his head in a vain attemot to ignore the persistent tapping of the owl at the window. Blaise walked in and frowned at the lump under the covers.

'Aren't you going to let it in?' he asked.

'Is it Hedwig?'

'Of course.'

'Then no.'

Blaise pulled the covers down and glared at his friend. Draco flapped a pale hand at him, having forgone the disguise almost as soon as he'd arrived.

'If you won't then I will. You can't ignore him forever.'

Blaise took the note from Hedwig and passed it to Draco who immediately threw it on a pile of similar notes.

'Have you even read any of those?' Blaise asked.

'No. And I don't intend to either, before you ask.'

'And yet you are keeping them.'

Draco threw a pillow at Blaise and sat up, scowling.

'So?'

'Don't you think that's a little...well, interesting?'

'Not in the slightest.'

Blaise gave him his best know-it-all grin.

'Anyway, you have visitors.'

'Who?'

'Oh, I much prefer to surprise you.'

Draco scowled again and hurriedly pulled on some clothes, muttering obscenities at the grinning Blaaise under his breath.

'Oh stop that, will you? You look like the bleeding Cheshire Cat. No, I won't explain, I have visitors remember?'

And with that Draco stalked from the room, leaving a flabbergasted Blaise staring after him. Draco found two of the last people he would ever expect standing on the front porch: Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom.

'Longbottom.' he snarled.

Neville quivered, still afraid of the Slytherin after all these years. Luna just looked at him as though he had just knocked on her door.

'Oh hello Draco, how...interesting to see you again? What are we doing here again Neville dear? Oh right, I think I remember... Wait...did you see that?'

She took off across the lawn.

'Longbottom, what are you and that ditzy girl doing bothering me?'

Neville mumbled.

'Sorry? Didn't quite catch that.'

'I said she's not ditzy. And we are here because Luna needed to come to Italy for...some reason, and Hermione asked us to stop by and...uh...tell you to stop being so horrible and at least respond to one of Harry's owls because he is going mad without you, as it were.'

Draco grinned, admiring Neville's moxie.

'Well Neville, you certainly are braver then you used to be. You can tell Hermione that I'll take her opinion under advisement, but given that she was wrong before-'

'Hermione is **never** wrong.' Neville hissed. 'And now I think I'd better find Luna. She can be misunderstood so easily.'

'I'm sure she can. Longbottom.'

'Malfoy.'

Draco watched as Neville caught up to Luna and took her arm tenderly. _Bah_, he thought, _I don't need love. What I need is to stop those fucking owls..._

--

Harry had been staring at the tape recorder off and on for a week, trying to build up the confidence to listen to the tape. Seamus, Dean, Hermione and Ron were seated at the table with him, and he despised their presence just a little bit. They had found happiness, whilst Harry felt he had let it slip from his grasp all too willingly.

'If you don't play it Harry, I will.' Hermione threatened.

Harry looked at her.

'I...will. I just...'

'I think we should leave Harry to listen in peace.' Ron said.

Everyone stared at him in amazement; he was never that perceptive. He blushed

'Just a suggestion.'

Harry smiled gratefully as his friends filed out. He then stared at the tape recorder a final time before pressing play. Draco's voice crackled through, and Harry smiled at the sound; he wasn't being a Malfoy, he was just plain Draco, ineloquent and sweet.

'Erm...hi...um...it's me. Malfoy. Draco. Uh, Ferret Face. Can you...can you hear me? This feels strange, but I have been assured this will work. Damn muggle contraptions. Anyway, I bet you're wanting me to get to the point. I can almost see the impatience flickering in your eyes. I'll...I'll try to get on with it, but...damn it Harry, this is hard...'

Harry heard some soft sobs before a click indicated the tape recorder had been turned off, and another indicated it had been turned back on.

'I-I'm sorry about that. I just...I miss you. Ha. Silly, I know. I just... *click* *click* I can't believe how much I miss you. I...I need to know, once and for all. And this is the only way I can think of to do this. I'll wait for a week. If I don't see you by midnight on the 15th I'll have my answer. You know where I'll be. Harry...I...'

That was the end of the tape. Harry's hands shook as he pressed the stop button. He peered at the clock through tear-filled eyes.

'K-kreacher?' he croaked.

The elf appeared with a soft pop.

'Yes Master Harry?'

'What, what's the date?'

'Why, it's the 15th sir.'

'I've gotta go...' Harry moaned, apparating with a sharp crack.

--

Harry stumbled and almost fell to his knees at the gates of Hogwarts. _Of course I know where you'll be...I only hope it's not too late... _ He staggered toward the Quidditch pitch, shivering as the rain whipped through him. He was vaguely aware that he was not dressed in appropriate clothes for the weather, but that didn't matter. He had to find Draco. He whirled around in the middle of the pitch, squinting, trying to find any indication that there was someone there besides him.

'Draco!' he cried, his voice vanishing into the wind. 'Draco, where are you? I came! It's only 11.58, it's not midnight! It's not! Please, this wasn't a joke! This can't have been a joke!'

He collapsed to his knees in the mud, pressing his forehead to the ground and screaming, choking as mud flooded his nose and mouth. _He isn't here..._


End file.
